The First Sip
Why I created The Slow Pour!
I love God. Like, really love God.
You know how they say millennials make everything a personality trait? Yep—loving God is definitely one of mine.
I’ve deeply loved Him for as long as I can remember and have always had a keen awareness of His presence in my life. That made me want to do anything to please Him. So I attended Sunday school, memorizing and reciting Scriptures I didn’t fully understand and definitely didn’t have context for. I was a part of several church auxiliaries—praise team, liturgical dance, cheerleading. I even committed myself to purity by participating in The King’s Daughter program.
All because I thought that these actions surely pleased God.
In high school, I started reading the book of Matthew. That’s where I began to notice the personality of Jesus—or at least as much as I could comprehend at the time. I remember finishing one chapter and going to my mom saying, “Mom, Jesus is not a pushover. He’s sarcastic, like us… and He’s funny.”
She didn’t correct me. She didn’t over spiritualize it. She just smiled, nodded, and said, “Keep reading.”
That did something to me. It created a hunger.
I started reading Scripture like a storyline because there was so much happening, so much unfolding—I felt like I was really catching on to this thing.
I carried that hunger into college and young adulthood. I would read and practically recite Psalms 91 before going to class. I carried what I now call a “faith chip” on my shoulder because I read that Jesus said we only needed faith the size of a mustard seed.
So I used it.
I exercised my faith as often as I could.
I remember applying for a job and not getting selected. I didn’t get upset. I smiled, thanked them for their time, and in my head I said, they’ll call me—I’m a king’s kid.
Two weeks later, they called.
Things kept happening like that.
I thought I had the system down.
Psalms 91 for protection and mustard seed faith to activate the power of God in my life. I was moving!!
As a young adult, one of my favorite books of the Bible was—and still is—Genesis. Genesis has SO. MUCH. TEA. Greatest stories ever told, to date. Don’t debate me.
But I started noticing something.
Every time I read it, I saw something new. Not just new, but deeper. Something that made sense in ways I couldn’t explain. Sometimes it aligned with science. Sometimes it felt extremely practical. But it always felt like there was more beneath what I was reading. The problem was, the closer I felt to uncovering something, the further away I actually was.
I was reading, researching, studying culture, learning context… and still, there were moments where it just wouldn’t connect. I would hit a wall. And the more I thought I understood, the more I realized I didn’t.
I also began to realize that the wave I had been riding on of “growing up in church” was like stale bread.
There were things I had internalized, traditions, patterns, and ways of thinking that shaped how I approached God and His Word. Some of it helped. Some of it didn’t.
Psalms 91 and mustard seed faith were powerful… at the level I had understood them. But they didn’t satisfy anything deeper. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was operating at the surface.
Then, around the time that I turned 30, something shifted…
I began to understand God’s redeeming love. Not in theory. Not in passing. But in a way that actually changed how I saw Him—and myself.
I had heard about grace. I knew the language. I knew Jesus died for my sins. But understanding God’s redeeming love?
That was different. I’m getting chills just typing it.
That changed everything for me.
It shifted me from trying to get it right…to realizing I was already loved. Not surface love. Not the conditional love that we offer to one another.
But the kind of love that makes you stop and ask, why me? That realization overwhelmed me. Honestly, it drowned me. I knew that I could never return it, nor reciprocate it. That thought alone made me feel unworthy and undeserving. It didn’t make me want to do less—it made me want to be better. To do better.
I realized something:
Loving God is a choice I (we) have to make every day.
My daily actions, in His all-knowing presence, are a choice. And the question that still rings in my head is: What are you choosing?
I chose to join the prayer team at my church. That deepened my connection with God and changed how I studied the Word.
I no longer inhaled the stories and teachings as if it was the latest gossip; although there’s nothing wrong with that lol. But I stopped trying to figure everything out on my own.
I started asking Holy Spirit for help.
I didn’t fully understand the fullness of His power and purpose, but I knew enough to know He is the Spirit of Truth (John 16:13).
So I would silently ask Him to:
Help me.
Teach me.
Show me.
And I was honest with Him about my motives. I would tell Him—I know I don’t need to know this, but I just wanna know. And I trusted Him to reveal it in His time without my usual antics of searching and seeking without vetting the source.
And I meant it.
I slowed down.
He walked slow with me.
And in that slowness, something started happening.
Understanding didn’t come all at once, it came in layers. In moments. In quiet realizations that felt like they were being poured into me over time.
That’s where The Slow Pour came from.
I have journals filled with Scriptures, notes, prayers, and reflections. And through all of it, God shifted my perspective, from just seeing Him as God, still very mighty… to knowing Him as Father, (affectionately calling Him Abba)—and now, recognizing Him as King.
And somewhere in that process, He shifted me. From performing for His love to resting in it. Selah. (pause for reflection)
From trying to prove something, to receiving what was already given.
He is still transforming me—still shining light in the dark places that need to be made whole. And the truth is, that kind of love and transformation didn’t make me do less. It made me want to know Him more.
So I take my time…
I study words. I study context. I compare translations. I sit with Scripture. And I stay dependent on the Holy Spirit, because He is the one who reveals truth.
He’s the one who pours understanding.
He’s the one who aligns moments, people, and places. He’s the one who teaches.
I just sit and receive.
So if you’re here, reading, searching, trying to understand, trying to slow down, trying to get past what you’ve been taught and into what is true—you’re in the right place.
This is not about rushing through Scripture.
This is not about performing for God.
This is about knowing Him.
I’m just a facilitator.
The responsibility is on you to seek, to study, and to know Him for yourself.
Look at me as the gentle nudge…reminding you that this is not a sprint. It’s in the slow, sometimes uncomfortable moments that your spirit is being fed while your flesh is being stripped.
I will not be forcing scheduled post.
I won’t rush the process.
I will blog as often as I am led, or as little as needed as we grow in understanding the Kingdom of God.
So come with me.
Let’s drink from the well that never runs dry.
Until next time,
Stay close 🤍
